Tell her she can't have a vagina
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize