Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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