We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize