did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
