I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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