I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
