I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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