Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
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And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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