Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
