as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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