How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
