it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.