Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.