I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.