i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I feel like abortions should bother me more
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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