i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
