I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
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There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
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So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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