I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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