The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
