I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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