they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
