i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
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If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
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This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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