the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
