I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
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All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
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Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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