My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
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I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
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Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize