you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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