So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
