would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
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he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
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He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I need a beard to bite.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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