What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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