boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
