She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
