and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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