I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
