so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
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He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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