They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
did you just send me my own nude
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
