she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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