i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
