He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
