He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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