my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
