NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
