u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
