Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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