Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
