If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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