My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
