Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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