i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
