6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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