He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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