I can't watch pbs sober anymore
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
