it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
