just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
