Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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