My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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