I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize