I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Randomize
