that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Two words: blizzard sex
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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