Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
